Edward's New Moon
by BellaNessieCullen
Summary: AU of New Moon. In Edward and Bella's POV. Bella never jumped off the cliff, therefore Alice never came to visit but Edward can't stand being away from Bella any longer so he decides to go back. When he returns Bella has fallen for Jacob. Will Bella go back to Edward or does she prefer her new life with Jacob? STORY ON-HOLD.
1. Returning

**EDWARD**

The wind felt warm on my face as I ran. It reminded me of her skin, the blood pulsing through her veins, her warm touch to my face and chest and her lips, the softest most beautiful lips I've ever felt. Everything in this world reminded me of her. I stopped myself from thinking of her as a familiar scent hit me. I bent into a crouch and caught a glimpse of the mountain lion less than 50 yards away from me. I let the scent control me and I lunged forward sinking my teeth into its neck. Once I had finished I caught hold of one more. I drained the lioness and kicked her corpse to the side. I looked at the two mountain lions lying there, dead. A female and her mate. I had taken their lives. I sighed. This guilt trip had really got to stop or I wouldn't be eating anything at this rate. I sat against a tree and closed my eyes. I would give anything to be able to sleep right now. I imagined her face in my head, my perfect recall didn't falter. I allowed the vision to fill me for just a few seconds before the pain inside me was unbearable and I had to let her slip from my mind. But my vampire mind was always thinking of her. I wondered how she was. Was she taking this as hard as I was? Was she happy? A part of me always thought I had to check. No matter what. I had to go back to see if she was happy. It was this moment that it won. I had to go back. Just to see if she was ok. If she wasn't then I would show myself and see if she would take me back, if she was then I would leave again.

I took off as fast as I could towards the United States. I entered the border and continued heading north towards Washington. As I entered Seattle I realised it probably would have been quicker to travel by plane. I continued running until I saw the sign 'Welcome to Forks'. I sighed and slowed down. I walked along towards Bella's street at human pace letting all the memories finally break through.

I began to slow even more when I saw Bella's truck in the driveway. Charlie's car wasn't there. As I got closer to the house I smelt the most unfamiliar smell, the most revolting smell I've ever encountered. It wasn't the smell of my sweet Bella. I climbed the tree next to her house in seconds and peered through her window. She wasn't in there. I jumped down and walked round to the back of the house. I saw a movement in the kitchen. I kept myself hidden as I watched Bella walk around the kitchen making dinner.

I was in complete awe. My memory wasn't a match to the real thing. She was meters away from me, I could smell her now. My sweet sweet Bella. All I wanted to do was to hold her again. I watched her for less than ten seconds before I jumped out of the tree. Before I knew it I had ran to the front of the house. I took a deep breath. I raised my hand to knock on the door. Tap tap tap. I waited. I heard heavy steps heading towards the door.

"I'll get it Bells, you carry on with dinner." A voice said. I stopped still. Hard as stone, if my heart was able to beat it would break at this moment. Why didn't I listen into the house for anyone's thoughts? I thought she was alone I didn't think to try. I ran with a flash behind the tree. A tall muscular dark skinned boy opened the door. I could tell by his features he was a quileute tribe descendant. He wrinkled his nose. _Vampire._ He thought. _I have to get Bella out of her, that's not Victoria but it could be another one trying to hurt her._ By this I was confused. "Bella Hun" The boy whispered to Bella.

"Mhmm" she answered.

"We have to get out of her, there is a vampire around, I don't recognise the scent, so it's not Victoria but it could be some other leech trying to hurt you." He said. I heard Bella's heart rate increase. I couldn't let this happen I wouldn't let him take her away from danger that didn't exist. I stood in front of the tree waiting for the door to open. The boy had gone into full scale protection mode. I didn't understand his thoughts but he seemed attached to Bella, like they were together in the way Bella and I used to be. _Shall I phase to talk to Sam? Or just get Bella out? Front door or back?_ All these questions were running through his head and I was praying he would choose the front door. Suddenly the front door swung open and the boy started to look around, he caught my eye and wouldn't move.

"Jacob? What are you doing? I thought we had to go." Bella said as she was trying to get past him. _What are you doing here? She's happy with me go away! _

"No" I snapped at him.

"Edward?" I heard Bella say.

"I'm here" I said. "Let her pass." I said to Jacob. I saw him begin to shake; my instincts told me that this wasn't good.

"Jake!" Bella said, it was a high pitched scream more than a shout. "MOVE!" she ordered him. Jacob stepped out of the door way. As soon as she saw me she froze up. She stood there staring at me for what felt like forever. _I'm a werewolf and I know everything about you. You don't want to mess with me. I could kick your ass if I wanted; you are _not_ taking her away from me. _I heard in Jacob's thoughts.

"The decision is hers dog." I snarled at him. I then turned to Bella "Bella?" I asked smoothly. "Love? I'm here and I'll be here as long as you want me here, I can't live without you anymore Bella. I lov-"I saw Bella's knees give way. I ran to her and caught her before she could fall. She wrapped her arms around me and I picked her up, she began sobbing into my shoulder and I carried her into the house. _NOOOO! _I heard in Jacobs thoughts. I heard a ripping sound then a huge howl of pain. I ignored his cry and carried Bella to the couch.

"No!" she cried. "Jacob! He's hurt! He doesn't understand!" Bella said fighting against my grip. I let her go and she stumbled as she ran for the door. I was faster than her and I stood in front of her. "Move! Edward get out of my way! I need to speak to him." She screamed at me through tears.

"The dog is far gone; he won't hear you if you scream for him." I said staring into her chocolate brown eyes. She relaxed but continued crying. "Bella, I came back because I couldn't last any longer without you, but if it's different for you and you love the wolf then I will leave your life. I just wanted to see if you were happy" She let out a small sigh and turned back to the living room. I sat down next to her on the couch. I touched her warm face and wiped the tears away from her cheeks.

"Well?" I asked her. "Do you love him?" she looked at me in my eyes.

"Yes" she said dropping her head. I nodded and stood up. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm leaving, you're happy. That's all I came here for, to check that you were happy." I said. She nodded. I walked human pace to the door. I paused before walking out. "You pick him then?" I asked. She looked at me confused.

"I didn't know I had a choice." She said, blinking away the tears. I smiled.

"Of course you do. Did you not hear me out there? I'm here and I'm here to stay but only if you want me. I can't sit and watch you with him." I said. She nodded.

"It's hard Edward. I always thought you were the love of my life, my only true love. I waited so long for you to come back but you never did and I convinced myself you wouldn't and I thought you didn't love me. So I settled for Jacob, I knew he loved me and even though I saw him as a brother I could learn to love him back. But Edward I do love him. More than ever and I can't pick right now… Please? Just give me some time. This is quite a huge bomb shell you just dropped on me." She said. I nodded and continued towards the door. I opened it and stepped out. I turned back towards her.

"Sorry I made your boyfriend run away" I said. Laughing at my inside joke. She smiled with me.

"It's ok... come see me some time" she said. I nodded.

"Of course" I said. She reached out towards me with her hand. I didn't know what sort of gesture she wanted so I took it in my hand and brought her hand to my lips. I kissed her skin and savoured the pain that came with it. I would take the thirst over missing her any day. She squeezed my hand. She held me with all her strength; I could feel it even though it was feather light to me. I smiled at her and disappeared into the trees. I stopped when I was out of sight. I watched more tears fall down her cheeks as she closed the door. I heard her step backwards and slide her back down the door so she was sitting in front of it. I wanted so much to go and comfort her. I had just ruined her day. She _was _happy and I had ruined it. I shouldn't have shown myself. I took my cell phone out of my pocket and turned it on, I waited for it to load and saw I had missed one hundred and three calls. Most of them were from Alice, some Esme and the rest were Carlisle. I dialled Carlisle's number first. He answered on the first ring.

"Edward?"

"Hello Carlisle"

"How have you been son?" he asked. I let out a non-humorous chuckle

"Not well. I cracked."

"I know. Alice saw it. However we don't know how it went. She just saw you made the decision to go see Bella but then your future disappeared as soon as Bella's door opened." He answered. I should have guessed Alice would see my decision. I didn't understand how her vision failed to predict the rest of the encounter though. "We are in Forks by the way Edward. Alice had her vision yesterday. We decided to get here before you. Esme misses you. We all do"

"Okay. I'll be there soon."

"We'll be waiting" he said. I hung up and took one last glance and Bella's house before I started running to my family.


	2. Left or Right?

**BELLA**

I felt an overwhelming surge of guilt. I sat against my front door, tears streaming down my face. I was so overwhelmed with seeing Edward I didn't even think about Jacob or how he was reacting. I remembered him running away after Edward carried me into the house. I remember hearing his howl. I slowly got up, careful not to fall over and made my way over to the phone. I dialled his home number and Billy answered on the fourth ring.

"Billy, is Jake there?" I asked him.

"Oh hi Bella, I thought he was at yours" he answered.

"Yeah… something happened, I just want to talk to him. When he gets home can you tell him to ring me please?"

"Sure thing Bella." He answered.

"Thanks" I mumbled and hung up.

I waited for hours. Making Charlie's dinner in a blur, not really paying attention to a word he said.

"Bella are you ok?" he asked me. It was almost 9pm now and I still haven't heard from Jake. He wasn't the only one I was thinking of though. The walls I had built up around Edward had fallen down and I was letting him fill my mind again. Something that I wasn't allowed to do, that I couldn't do.

"Yeah" I mumbled not moving or looking up at him.

"Did you and Jake have a fight?" he asked.

"Something like that" I replied.

"Why don't you go round and sort it out?"

"Yeah I think I will" I said standing up and leaving the room. I grabbed my coat, pulled on my shoes and grabbed my keys. I got into my truck, scanning the forest for any sign of the Cullen's before I started driving. I came to the junction where if I turned right id head towards the Cullen house and if I turned left I'd go towards La Push. I idled there for almost 10 minutes.

I needed to make the decision now. I couldn't hurt either of them anymore; I didn't want to hurt either of them. I loved them both. There was no doubt in that but who loved me more?

My first initial thought was Edward, being a vampire I just thought that maybe he could love more than a human but then I remembered the past 6 months of my life. He had left me. Those 4 all important words. Jacob hadn't. Well, only for a week or so when he first phased but he came back to me. He came back and not 6 months later. But Edward seemed really cut up, he seemed to really want me again, he told me those 3 words again and it made my heart soar. When I saw him all I wanted to do was be in his arms. It was like Jacob was pushed completely out my mind and It was full of longing for Edward again. I sighed and cut the engine. I remained there at the junction hoping no one would come up behind me until I made my decision.

There was a light knock on my window. I practically jumped out my seat. I turned to see Alice's pixie like face staring at me with a huge smile. I opened the door and she pulled me into a hug. I was reluctant at first but I began hugging her back. I had really missed her.

"Oh Bella! I've missed you so much! I was so happy when I saw the vision of Edward coming to see you. My god Bella you stink!" she said in a rush, I barely caught the words.

"What?" I asked and sniffed my arm. "No I don't" I told her, completely offended. She reached up and pinched her nose.

"Yes you do! Edward was right!" she said clearly disgusted. I narrowed my eyes at her, what the hell was she talking about? I moved away from her and got back into my car. "No Bella! Don't go. I'm sorry" she said reaching for me. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"You can't just come back after 6 months, pretend you're my best friend and tell me I smell!" I screeched at her.

"It's not you personally, Its Jacob, the wolves smell revolting to us. I'm sorry but since you spend… _way_ too much time with him. You smell like him. He's all over you…" she said trailing off. I blushed slightly before starting the engine.

"I need to talk to him. Bye Alice" I told her.

"No. you were still deciding before I arrived. I was here to help you. Come back with me" she said. I narrowed my eyes. Of course she would have seen my split decision.

"You did help me decide. Thank you" I told her and closed the door. She caught it and put her hand over mine. I shivered at the contact, not used to the cold touch anymore.

"Don't let anything compromise your decision. If you choose Jacob, Edward will wait for you forever. If you choose Edward, would Jacob?" she asked me. I caught her eyes for a minute before I began driving off. She let me go and I pulled the door closed. I turned left, towards La Push. It wasn't a final decision but it was at least a small one. I reached the familiar red house and instantly saw Jacob running off towards the forest the minute he heard the roar of my engine. I climbed out my truck and into the rain.

"Stop!" I cried out to him, tears already streaming down my face. "Jake!" I cried, "JAKE!" I shouted hysterically. He paused; clearly something in my voice had him turning around. "Please" I cried out to him again. I could see him frown, he was watching me, leaning over my stomach, and I could feel the hole. The hole was growing again, it was hurting, almost too much for me to stand. He was at my side in a second and had me in his arms. I sobbed into his chest as he held me.

"I'm sorry" he whispered into my neck.

"No…" I sobbed and pulled away from him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to react like that, I was overwhelmed, and I couldn't believe he was here. I'm sorry." I said again. His eyes locked with mine and he kissed me gently.

"I know" he whispered, his forehead against mine.

"I love you" I reminded him. He smiled at me.

"I love you too, come on, let's get you inside" he said. The rain was falling heavily now and I was soaked to my skin. He brought me in.

"Hi Bella" Billy said.

"Hi" I said blushing, the rain had made my t-shirt see through, I folded my arms over my chest and Jacob lead me towards his bedroom before Billy had a chance to see anything else. He told me to sit on his bed and he went back out of the room. He came back in with a towel.

"Here" he said handing it to me. I took it and wrapped it around my hair. He walked over to his closet and pulled out a shirt. "Change into this. I'll put your clothes in the dryer so they're dry before you go home" he said. I nodded and took the shirt from him. He turned his back to me and looked into his closet again.

"I won't look" he said. I rolled my eyes as I dropped the towel and began pealing my wet clothes off me.

"You've seen me naked before Jake" I reminded him. We hadn't gone quite as far as sex but things had happened. That and he walked in on me getting ready to take a shower late one night.

"I know but…" he mumbled not finishing the sentence. After I finished taking my clothes off I pulled his giant shirt over my head. I then walked over to him taking his hand and forcing him to turn around. He looked down my body and I blushed.

"You look sexy in my shirt" he grinned. I smiled at him and handed him my clothes. "Right!" he said and walked out the room. I walked over to his bed, climbing into the centre and took the towel to finish drying my hair. Jacob came back in and I noticed he was in a different pair of shorts. He walked over to me and climbed onto the bed opposite me.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked. I continued to run the towel over my hair; my eyes were locked on his stomach muscles.

"Mhmm" I mumbled, not really paying attention to a word he said.

"And you promise to answer this honestly? And not to spare my feelings?" he said.

"Yep" I told him.

"Do you still love him?" he asked, that caught my attention. I paused in drying my hair to look up at his face. "The truth" he reminded me.

"Yes" I answered honestly. He nodded slightly and his eyes dropped from my face. I dropped the towel and moved over to him. I knelt up and took his face in my hands. "I love you too" I told him. "I won't deny what I feel for him Jake but I'm not going to deny what I feel for you either. You never left me, you've been amazing and I love you, I really really do. But I don't think I'm the one for you" I said. I was surprised at what I said. I didn't even remember thinking that.

"What? Of course you are. I will never love anyone else like I love you Bella" he said his eyes catching mine. I smiled slightly, how much I wished that was true was scary.

"What happens to me when you imprint Jake?" I asked. His face dropped.

"I won't" he told me.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked again.

"I won't" he nearly growled. I sighed and my thumb ran over his cheek.

"Alright" I replied. Imprinting was always a touchy subject with us. He hadn't imprinted on me, which meant that I wasn't his soul mate. She was out there somewhere and I knew the day they met I would be heartbroken but I couldn't quite manage to tear myself away from him. I let my hand run down his arm to meet his hand and took it in mine. I brought it up to my mouth and gave him a kiss before I moved to lie down on his bed. He moved with me and lay down next to me.

I don't remember falling asleep I just remember the dreams I had. They alternated between Jacob and Edward, ones of Jacob and me with 3 kids and living happily with our children and the one of me immortal and beautiful at Edward's side. I just couldn't decide which one I wanted more.


	3. Decisions

**EDWARD**

I was pacing my room, the image of Jacob and Bella running through my head. I imagined the relief I'd have to have Bella back in my arms, properly; but I also imagined the pain and heart break I'd feel if she chose Jacob.

_Sorry Edward, I'm an idiot._

I heard in Alice's thoughts. My eyes narrowed as I walked out the room and down the stairs. She stood at the bottom. The last ten minutes running through her head.

She had gone to see Bella and literally driven her towards Jacob. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers and took a deep breath.

"Thanks Alice"

"I'm sorry I didn't think she'd go against me and go to Jacob anyway. I tried to get her home" she said sadly.

"This isn't Bella's home Alice" I mumbled in return as I walked back up the stairs.

"Don't go into your room to sulk" she told me. I paused to glare at her.

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do and stop interfering with Bella. If she wants to come back to us she will. Let it be." I almost snarled at her.

"Edward don't be mean to your sister" Esme ordered me.

"she needs to back off" I told them both before I continued walking up the stairs to my room.

It was early in the morning and I had paced my room three thousand four hundred and five times. I had been thinking about a lot of things and it was time to start doing something.

First thing of the day, I planned to go and see Bella today and apologize for Alice's behaviour. I walked out my room and down the stairs, I noticed Alice leaning against the wall as she watched me walk out the house.

I began running towards Forks. I arrived at Bella's house and frowned when I didn't see her truck in the drive. I climbed the tree and took a peak into her room. She wasn't there.

I remembered seeing Alice's memories of her seeing Bella in her truck, not knowing whether to go left or right, to Jacob or me. She chose Jacob.

If my heart could beat it would have stopped, I got a terrible gut feeling and I felt utterly broken.

I didn't know why though, I knew I had left it too long to come back, she had moved on, and I was a fool to think she loved me as much as I loved her. I jumped off the tree and began walking to the front of the house. It was just in time to see Bella pull up in her truck. I stayed hidden at the side of the house and I watched her get out the car, in the same clothes Alice had seen her in yesterday and walked into the house.

I began running again, this time straight home. I wanted to explain to them that I was leaving again. I wasn't going to stay here and watch Bella with the mutt.

I went straight to my room and began pacing it again, I formulated a plan and I wanted to go to Denali first, maybe Tanya would give me another chance.

I shook my head, thinking that made me want to cry. I didn't want Tanya, anymore than I wanted any other woman in the world.

I wanted Bella, like breathing depended on it. The only way I could be complete was with her.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration and took hold of my cell phone. I shoved it in my pocket and went to find Carlisle. I had just entered the hall again when I heard the familiar groan of Bella's truck in the drive way. I gasped and turned to look at the door, I could hear her on the other end now, taking deep breaths. She knocked lightly on the door.

"Are you going to get that Edward?" Rosalie asked. She appeared in front of me. I was just stood motionless in the middle of the room staring at the door. Rosalie sighed in frustration and went to answer the door.

"Oh hi Bella, come in" she told her, leaving the door open and walked back into the living room. Leaving Bella standing at the door staring at me.

"Hi" she said with a smile. I forced the corner of my lips to move in a forced smile. I knew she had noticed the fakeness of it. Her smile dropped and her small eyebrows moved closer to each other as she walked in. she closed the door behind her.

She took a moment to move her eyes from mine to look around the house. She smiled slightly at the memory.

"It's good to see this place alive again" she mentioned. I frowned.

"Your came here when it wasn't?" I asked. Referring to when we didn't live here. She nodded slightly.

"I erm… I came to make sure you were still real" she laughed awkwardly, as if she was ashamed of it.

I allowed myself to smile a little before it dropped again.

"Why were you at my house this morning?" she asked me. My face became expressionless, I was pretty sure I remained hidden.

"How-?" I asked.

"I know when you're around Edward, it's weird, and I just get this feeling. I used to get it when you'd be in my room and I was asleep." She admitted.

"I erm… I came to see you, like you asked me too, but you weren't there, and Alice told me about yesterday, that you went to Jacob's, then I saw you in the same clothes today." I told her, her face blushed red and she looked down. "I understand Bella, I'm not upset" I tried to assure both of us. She looked up at me under her long lashes.

"Its ok Bella, I'll be gone before you know it, I was actually just about to leave"

"Leave?" she asked, her voice panicking.

"You're happy and I see you've chosen Jacob." I told her, her face dropped.

"I haven't chosen anyone" she told me and she took a very hesitant step towards me. My hopes picked up slightly.

"You slept with him though." I mentioned. Her face twisted in confusion, and then realisation ran across her face.

"Oh no! Edward no" she laughed. "I've never slept with Jacob, not _that_ way." She laughed awkwardly. "I've never had sex with him"

I sighed, it was sort of relief.

"Oh" I mumbled in return.

"I just stayed at his house, I do it all the time" she told me, her voice happier when she saw the relief in my face.

"Bella! Oh how lovely to see you dear!" Esme called behind me. She appeared and pulled Bella into a hug. Bella smiled widely as she returned Esme's hug. I saw her eyes close and she breathed in Esme's scent.

"I missed you" she whispered.

"Aw honey I missed you too, so much" Esme told her as she pulled away. She placed her hands on Bella's face and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I hope you can make my son happy again" she told her. Bella's face twisted and she looked over at me over Esme's shoulder.

I put my hands in my pocket and looked down nervously.

"Isabella!" Emmett called bounding into the room. He took Bella away from Esme and pulled her into a giant bear hug. Bella giggled as Emmett swung her around in a circle.

My heart warmed at the sound. I had missed her laugh more than anything in the entire world. Esme moved over to my side as she watched Emmett hug Bella. Esme linked her arm with mine.

Emmett finally put Bella down.

"I missed you little sister" Emmett said, running his hand through her hair. Bella scowled and pulled the hair band out to let her long wavy brown hair fall down her back. She shook it out so it fell naturally and the scent of her strawberry shampoo hit my senses. I took in a sharp breath, wanting nothing more than to hug her myself and breathe in her scent.

"Hello Bella, how nice to see you here" Carlisle greeted her next.

"Hi Carlisle" she said shyly. It was then that Alice and Jasper walked into the hall.

"Good morning Bella" jasper greeted her. He remained at the far end of the room, Alice on his arm. Bella smiled awkwardly, the tension was clear in the room. Everyone was watching jasper carefully, expecting a repeat of Bella's 18th birthday.

"Hi jasper" Bella barely spoke. Her hands wound together in front of her body and she stood there awkwardly as we all looked at her.

"Ok let's give Edward and Bella a chance to talk" Esme said and started ushering everyone out the hall.

"It was really nice to see you again Bella" Esme said with a friendly smile as she followed Carlisle into his study.

She smiled after her.

We were left with just us in the room.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I asked her motioning to the front door.

"Last time you said that you broke up with me" she said nervously. I realised she was right and I immediately regretted saying it.

"That won't be happening again" I tried to tell her. She nodded and began walking to the door. I followed her out and we began walking to the trees.

"Please don't leave me" she broke out after nearly a minute of silence. She stopped walking and I did the same to look at her. She had tears in her eyes as she stared up at me.

"What about Jacob?" I asked her.

"I-I… I don't know yet" she choked out. "I just don't know what to do; I can't choose between you both. I love you so much but I love him too. Maybe I should be the one leaving; I shouldn't choose either of you. You're both too good for me." She said. Tears streaming down her face as she imagined a life without either of us. Her arms wrapped around her body, as if she was trying to keep herself together. I frowned as I watched her breathing become unsteady and she began leaning over her front.

I moved forward, taking her in my arms before I could even stop myself. I had her in my arms, cradling her. I tucked her head under my chin and I leant to kiss her soft hair.

"If you think it will be easier I will understand but I can see now how much you love Jacob and he can give you a lot more than I can." I said. I didn't want her to be so torn; I didn't want to see her in pain like I just had. I was going to push her in the direction of Jacob because all I wanted her to be was happy.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"He's human" I mentioned. She scoffed.

"No he's not"

"He's closer to human than I am. He can give you children and a life" I told her, it was getting more and more difficult to say these things, I was realising how much it was right. I was a fool to ever think she should pick me.

"I don't want children. Things like that don't bother me." she said, her hand gripping my shirt. I moved us both over to a tree close by and I sat down, holding her with me. She sat on my lap and kept her head under my chin and against my chest. I had my arms around her and they felt unbelievably right.

"Right now you don't but you will. In 5 or 10 years from now"

"You're wrong"

"No I'm not"

"You are, I accepted a long time ago I wasn't going to have children, when I was with you I knew it wasn't possible and I didn't care. I wanted you, that's all I want" she told me. "All I _wanted_." She added, correcting herself. I didn't reply I just held her for a little longer.

"I think you should stay with Jacob. I am really sorry for doing this to you." I told her. Holding her a little tighter before I loosened my grip.

She ignored what I said and looked up at me.

"Hold me tight again" she asked me. I frowned down at her. "Please" she asked, her hands on my face as she traced my face with her fingers. I tightened my arms around her again, as tight as I could without breaking her or stopping her from breathing. Her face moved towards mine ever so slightly. I could see her plump little pink lips centimetres from mine. There was nothing I wanted more than to kiss her.

I had nothing else to lose.

I leant towards her, closing the gap. Her hands moved to the back of my head and her fingers wound into my hair. Her eyes closed and mine followed. I began kissing her quicker and a little more forcefully. She responded how I imagined and returned the urgency.

My fingers were spread, the tips pressing into her skin under her shirt as I held her. Her hands were tugging at my hair gently. I felt her move to straddle my waist, her chest pressed right up against mine. I could feel myself hardening against her inner thigh, she must have felt it too because she grinded against me in an effort to get closer. I groaned and pulled her away from me, she was gasping for air as she unhooked her legs from my body. She moved to sit next to me against the tree; her breathing was still heavy.

"I'm sorry" she mumbled. I reached to my right and took her hand in mine.

"No I am" I whispered in return. I shouldn't have allowed to let it get even that far. I shouldn't have kissed her.

"I forgot you had… restrictions. I'm not used to the other person holding back. I'm normally the one that has to stop it" she laughed awkwardly, she stood up, forcing our hands to separate.

"You're the one that stops you and Jacob?" I asked her, still sitting on the floor. She nodded.

"It never felt right beyond a certain point" she told me, her eyes looking at the floor.

"Do you ever want to stop with me?" I asked her. Her eyes moved to lock with mine and she shook her head.

"Does it feel right?" I asked her.

"Yes" she told me. "I never want to stop with you, it's funny. The guy I want to be that close to doesn't want me like and the guy I don't want, does." She said with a small chuckle.

"Bella…" I said painfully. I wanted nothing more than to be that close to her. "I do want you like that. I want you more than you can imagine but I don't want to hurt you. I don't have the control. I'm sorry."

"I don't believe you. I think you have perfect self control." She told me.

"Turn around" I ordered her.

"What?" she asked. I moved onto my knees so my head was by her stomach.

"Turn around" I told her again. She did as I asked and I lifted her shirt so I could see her back.

I ran my finger over the area I had my hand pressed into, she flinched slightly. The bruise was already forming.

I dropped her shirt and leant back against the tree.

"Practice makes perfect" she told me. I smiled slightly.

"What does this mean?" I asked referring to what she said about wanting to be that close to me but not Jacob. She shrugged.

"I don't… I don't know. If I was given more time I know I could be like that with Jacob. I'm just not up to the stage I am with you, with him." She admitted. She moved to the tree opposite me and sat down so she was facing me.

"Please explain" I asked her, I wanted to understand her as much as I could. I wanted to help her with this, even if it meant id never hold her again like I just did.

"I haven't been with Jacob for very long, barely a month. We've done nothing more than make out with each other… and well… you know…" she mumbled trailing off. I caught her attention.

"Bella I want you to tell me ok? I'm not going to judge you I'm not going to throw a jealous fit. I want to help you and I want you to know I'm here to listen." I tried to assure her. She smiled slightly.

"We've roamed each other's bodies but that's about it. I don't feel the passion with him as I feel with you. I'm not as _thirsty_ for him." She admitted.

"And you're thirsty for me?" I asked, I raised one of my eyebrows and smirked at her. I loved the choice of her words. I literally heard her heart beat falter before it started beating a little faster.

"Yes" she admitted quietly, the blush returning in her cheeks, my smirk grew wider, I had missed her blush almost as much as her laugh.

"Don't get mad at me, I just want you to be happy but why are you having such trouble choosing between us then?" I asked her. She looked back up from her hands and her shoulders lifted slightly before she dropped them.

"You left me" she choked out. "I don't want to experience that again. Jacobs never hurt me like you have Edward. He never punched my stomach and pulled out my heart." She said sadly, the minute she said the words my heart snapped in two.

"Bella" I began, I moved forward and rested my hands on her knees that were brought up to her chest. "If you chose me I would not leave your side unless you ordered me away. I am so sorry that I put so much doubt inside you but I love you, more than anything in the universe. You are my world and even though it will hurt seeing you with Jacob I will survive because your happiness means the world to me" I told her, my eyes boring into hers. She took a deep breath and nodded. I let go of her legs and moved over to my tree.

There was a buzzing sound from Bella's pocket. I raised my eyebrows.

"Since when do you have a cell phone?" I asked.

"Jacob bought me one" she admitted taking it out of her pocket, she looked at the caller id and sighed. She placed her finger over her lips signalling me to remain quiet.

"Hey Jake"

"You said you'd ring me when you got home" I heard on the other end.

"Sorry Jake, I forgot"

"Since when do you forget" he asked, I could hear anger in his voice. I frowned, was he always that controlling?

"I'm sorry Jacob but I don't need to tell you every move I make" she said, irritation in her voice.

"Am I not allowed to know where my girlfriend is?" he asked. I narrowed my eyes at the word girlfriend. His _girlfriend_ had just straddled her ex boyfriend and heatedly made out with him.

"Yes Jake you are. I just… I forgot" she said a little groan escaping her lips.

"Where are you?" he asked. Her eyes widened as she looked at me. We both knew she wasn't very good at lying. "You're with him aren't you?" he asked.

"No?" she said, it came out more like a question than an answer.

"Ok well give me a ring when you're he's left you again and you want to me pick up the pieces" he said and hung up. Bella's mouth dropped open. I could see her fighting back the tears. Her mouth clenched into a line. She stood up.

"I want to get back." She told me. I nodded and stood up with her. I slipped my hand in hers but she pulled away and pointed into the woods. "Lead the way" she said. I didn't say anything I just began walking back towards the house. Aware of Bella's piercing eyes as she watched my back.


	4. The Choice

**This chapter is for all my readers that enjoyed this story and contributed towards me hitting 1 million views. As a thank you I am updating every one of my incomplete stories.**

**Reminder: I am not continuing this story as of yet. I may finish it when I have finished Living in Paradise. I actually have the rest of the plot line of this story in my head; it's just writing it out that will take time.**

**I suggest reading the first few chapters again to avoid any confusion.**

* * *

**BELLA**

I didn't spend much time with Edward after our little talk in the woods. I drove home and as I parked up I noticed Jake's bike in the drive way. Oh boy. I walked into the house.

"Bella? Is that you?" Charlie called out.

"Yup" I said to him coming into the living room. He was sitting in his usual seat. Jacob was on the couch.

"What is this I hear about Edward Cullen being back in town? And you spending time with him at his house?!" Charlie almost roared, he stood up from his seat and his pink face was fixed on me. I turned to glare at Jacob.

"Why did you tell him?" I asked him, feeling very angry.

"Because he had a right to know where you were" he answered me.

"You didn't even know where I was, you assumed I was at Edwards!" I shouted at him.

"Don't have a go at Jacob. He was being a responsible boyfriend. He was looking out for you." Charlie told me. I rolled my eyes when he called Jake my boyfriend. I wasn't so sure right now.

"Charlie I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going but im 18! I don't need to tell either of you if I decide to visit some old friends" I said taking time to glare at Jacob too. He stood up and I could see him shaking.

"Why can't you see what you're doing to me when you 'spend time with your old friends'? I worry every second if one- whats happened to you" Jacob told me, I knew what he was going to say, 'if one of them killed you' but he couldn't say that in front of my father. "How do I know Edward isn't planting stupid ideas into your head about being with him rather than me?" he added, I knew he wanted to say other things but couldn't with Charlie in the room. I sighed and reached for his wrist. I began dragging him out the room.

"I need to talk to him" I told Charlie. He nodded slightly, his face in a frown of concern. I led Jacob up into my room and pushed him down to sit on my bed.

"They wouldn't hurt me Jacob! Edward wouldn't let them. I really was just going to see them. Not Edward. Alice and Jasper and the rest of them, my friends. I didn't just lose my boyfriend when they left, I lost my best friends" I tried to explain. He relaxed slightly. I was standing in front of him, my thighs in between his knees.

"I know" he replied looking down from my face.

"Im sorry I went without telling you but I knew you'd worry" I said to him and stepped closer so I was in between his legs. He rested his arms on his thighs and put his hands at the back of mine. He finally looked up and he sighed.

"I forgive you. Just promise me they're not gunna get in between us. Im petrified of losing you" he said to me, his eyes locked with mine and I felt my heart swell in guilt for admitting all those things to Edward, and for kissing him. I nodded and rested my forehead against his.

"You won't" I promised him, I didn't know what type of promise I meant by that. I knew he wouldn't lose me as a friend at least, but it was whether he wanted me as a friend or not if I broke up with him. I lifted my hands to rest on his shoulders.

I didn't know why I was thinking this. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had no idea who I wanted and it was going to kill me before I decided. Jacob tilted his lips towards mine; I gave him a quick kiss but pulled away so it didn't go any further. He frowned at me as I stepped back from him.

"I need to think some things through ok?" I asked him. He looked sad but nodded and stood up.

"I'll leave you alone then." He said to me, he came over and kissed my forehead before he left my room. I sighed and the tears id been holding back fell over as I collapsed onto my bed. I sobbed hard for a long time. I had no idea what time it was but I was sure there was someone watching me. I turned quickly to face my door. No one was there though; Edward was standing by my desk looking pained. I gasped and sat up. I wiped my eyes the best I could and untangled the covers from my legs.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"I came to see how things went with Jacob. I assume not good?" he asked, he didn't show any emotion of happiness.

"Im not crying over Jacob. Im crying over the mess that im in. Im being cruel to both of you. Im leading you both on only to crush one of you in the end. I just don't know what to do. I can't decide, every time I think one way I want the other. I can't explain it" I ranted. Edward walked over to me and sat down next to me on my bed.

"This room stinks of him" he said scrunching up his nose.

"He spends a lot of time here. He said it stunk of you when he first started coming in here" I told him. He smiled slightly before it fell from his face again.

"The thing is Bella I don't like seeing you like this. Every time I do it makes me realise that I did this. I brought this pain on you and so im giving you the option now. Do you want me to leave you? Because I will, I'll be the bigger man and leave you alone. I'll let you be happy" he told me in his velvet voice. I was about to tell him no when I realised what he was actually saying.

"Jacob would leave too you know, if I asked him too. It's not who's the bigger man Edward, it's not a competition." I glared at him, his face dropped.

"No Bella I don't mean that" he tried to recover himself.

"Yes you did" I scrutinised him.

"Look Bella, all I'm saying is say the words and im gone. I told you when I came back I won't leave until you order me away so im telling you, say it and I'll leave your life. You can be happy. It's a quick solution to this problem. I nearly went when I saw you crying but I remembered my promise and I won't break it." He told me smoothly. I watched his lips as he spoke.

"I don't want you to leave" It came out in barely a whisper. He didn't look relieved. He actually kind of looked mad.

"Bella" he said painfully, he reached for my hand and placed it in his. "Why don't you know what's good for you?" he asked me.

"I do" I said snatching my hand out. "I just haven't decided which good I want. It's like cake or ice cream. If they're both on the dessert menu it takes a few minutes to decide" I said to him with a frown.

"But Bella neither of them are good for you. This is like choosing between fruit or cake." He said to me.

"I like cake" I pouted, knowing he was placing himself as the cake and Jacob as the fruit.

"But fruit is better for you" he said almost fighting off a smile.

"But cake is tastier" I argued again.

"But fruit will keep you alive" he argued again. I narrowed my eyes at him, I knew he meant 'im a vampire and could kill you any moment'

"Ok I'm not arguing with you about cake and fruit. I love both, and I don't know what I want for dessert ok?!" I told him angrily.

"If cake was taken off the menu you wouldn't be having this problem" he said to me with a glare.

"Edward you're so infuriating!" I shouted at him, he smiled at me then and I realised it was his motive to get me angry at him. I sighed and threw my back on the bed.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

"Yes!" I sighed exasperantly; he nodded with a smile and moved to my window.

"No!" I called back at him, "not forever, just leave my room. I want you to stay in forks until I figure this out." I told him, his smile dropped but he nodded again and jumped from my window.

"I love you" I heard the faint whisper of his voice before he disappeared. I sighed and closed the window before resting my head against it.

"Love you too" I mumbled pathetically quiet.

I fell asleep that night in my clothing. When I woke up the next day I felt awful and I wasn't completely sure if last night had actually happened or if I was dreaming. I looked out the window to see it raining. No shock there. I showered and dressed appropriately for the day and found Charlie had left a note in the kitchen.

_Gone fishing with Harry._

_Go make up with Jake. _

_If I hear you being at the Cullen's im going to be very angry._

_Love Dad._

I rolled my eyes and went to get some breakfast. There was a small knock at the door and I decided id answer it whilst the microwave defrosted the bread for my toast.

I opened it to see Jasper and Alice there.

"Oh hi" I said with a smile. "Come in" I told them and ran to get my bread out the microwave.

"So what can I do for you?" I asked putting my bread in the toaster.

"I wanted to come and apologise officially for my behaviour on your birthday, I brought Alice to ensure that you felt comfortable in my presence. I hope this doesn't scare you. I have learnt new control over the time spent away from you" Jasper told me. I jumped up on the counter.

"Im not scared" I said light-heartedly, I wasn't lying either, I sent him a smile and he smiled back, although it was strained.

"I also want to apologise for what happened with you and Edward. If it wasn't for my actions that evening you would still be with him now. I am deeply sorry for any pain you have experienced due to our absence" he added then with a bow of his head. My smile dropped.

"I forgive you" I told him sincerely. I never blamed him for what happened. It was Edward that decided to leave, not him.

"Thank you." He said again with a smile. "I also wanted to tell you that Edward is being sincere. Everything he says to you is true. I feel his pain over the situation and it cripples me." He informed me. I frowned slightly and looked down. "I know you love Jacob I can feel that in you now, and im not here to persuade you to forgive my brother, I am asking you to release him of his pain. Tell him you choose Jacob. Its causing all three of you pain to be in this situation so just end it now." He told me. I frowned deeper but looked up at him.

"I'll think about it" I told him, it was harder than that.

"It's all I ask, just make it quick" he begged me; I could see he was going through this just as much as Edward and I were. He wanted a break from the pain. I nodded in response.

"Ok well we'll leave you to your endeavours. It was nice seeing you again Bella" he answered.

"Yeah you too" I told him as he and Alice left the room, Alice was smiling widely at me, I really wanted to just hug her and tell her I still wanted to be her friend but I couldn't until I decided who I wanted, they left the house without saying another word.

I ate my now burnt toast in silence. When I finished there was another knock on the door. I went to answer it, it was Jake. I smiled when I saw him and motioned him into the house. He frowned as he entered and then pretended to choke before exiting the house again.

"You had him here!" he yelled at me.

"No!" I gasped.

"Yes I can smell the bloodsucker in your house!" he shouted.

"No it was Alice and Jasper! They came to apologise!" I tried to argue. I didn't like him shaking; he was standing in the rain, his eyes burning in fury.

"So he hasn't been in the house since he's been back?" he asked.

"No!" I gasped but then I remembered last night. I didn't say anything but my face gave it away; I was really bad at lying. His shaking got worse.

"Only last night" I cringed, trying to save the situation.

"Last night? After I left?" he asked. I knew how close he was to exploding and I really didn't want to have to deal with an angry wolf.

"Jake please come inside" I begged him; I stepped into the rain then.

"No!" he gasped and stepped away.

"Please" I begged, tears falling from my eyes again. I swear we already had this conversation in the rain.

"You pick him I understand. That's why you wanted me to come today. You're going to break up with me" he said sadly.

"No!" I gasped trying to control my cries. "I love you" I told him in exasperation.

"But you love him more, I get it Bella. Ive seen enough movies to know what you say next" he told me, his voice cold and hurtful. I gasped as the sobs erupted from my throat.

"Jake" I cried. "I haven't decided."

"Well im going to decide for you. I'm done Bella." He told me and took off running in the trees. I saw him phase mid-flight and a painful howl in the distance. I fell to my knees, the weight of my own cruelty crushing down on me. I was an idiot and I didn't deserve either of them. I didn't move myself from the floor; I just sat there in the cold and rain. I wasn't even crying anymore, I didn't deserve to cry.

The hole in my chest ripped open, bigger than I ever felt it before, I felt my self being crushed under the weight of my pain and I clutched at myself desperately, I had to stay together for Charlie, if nothing else in this world, I had to be healthy for him.

"BELLA!" I heard Edward's voice before he appeared moments later in front of me. His cold arms were around me and he brought me into the house. He placed me on the couch and I flinched away from his touch, he tried his best to hide his confusion but I saw the flicker on his face before he disappeared and came back with a blanket. He handed it to me and I wrapped it around myself.

"Thanks" I mumbled as I wiped my face dry.

"What were you doing out in the rain? Alice told me I should get down here because she was worried you were going to commit suicide or something. What's wrong?" he asked smoothly.

"What's wrong?!" I asked him in disbelief. "Im stringing my ex along and I just crushed the heart of my boyfriend." I glared at him; he frowned slightly before his beautiful face smoothened out into a blank expression. "The fact is Edward, I choose neither of you. Im selfish to ever want you both, I realise that and so I should be the one that's punished not you or Jacob."

"You've punished us anyway. Isn't it better to make one happy than make both miserable? You say you're selfish but you only want Jacob and I to be happy correct?" he asked me. I nodded.

"How do you know that? You can't read my mind" I reminded him.

"Because I know you Bella, I know how you care about everyone but yourself. On the outside it looks like you're the villain because you're in love with 2 people but really it's me. I shouldn't have come back" he said.

"No!" I gasped. "You should have. Im glad you did" I told him, my voice getting quieter.

"Are you? You were happy with Jacob. I was a fool to show myself to you" he said then.

"Stop it!" I shouted at him. "Stop turning this around on you, it's not your fault you shouldn't be making yourself feel bad!" I ordered him.

"Then neither should you" he told me. I groaned in frustration.

"I understand you're trying to make me feel better and take the load of guilt off me, I have no idea why you're doing that but I need to deal with this myself." I told him.

"Because I love you Bella, and knowing you hate yourself for this is hurting me, I never want you to feel you're alone, you always have me, I'll always be here for you and I know that's hard to believe after what I did to you but I will spend forever trying to make it up to you if you let me." He begged me. I couldn't describe what I saw in his face at that point. I didn't know if it was because Jacob had left me, the way he ran away I got a feeling he didn't want to come back, I didn't know why it hit me the way it did but, in just those short sentences I realised who I should pick.

"Forever?" I asked then, rather hopeful. Would he change me now?

"If that's what you want" she said before bowing his head.

"So you'd change me?" I asked.

"If that's what you want" he repeated. I was about to pull him into a hug and kiss his beautiful face over and over but then the knife in my chest reminded me I still had Jacob to deal with. I would make sure we were over before I moved on with Edward.

"Will you come back tomorrow?" I asked him.

"If that's what you want" he repeated for the third time.

"I do" I smiled at him; it was a genuine smile, something I hadn't managed to conjure these past few days. He noticed it, his eyes on my lips. He smiled with me.

"Is it wrong how much I love the sound of you saying those two words" he told me.

"No its not" I told him, stroking his cold cheek. "I want to find Jacob, I'm going to talk to him, I know who I want now. I know absolutely who I want" I told him with surety. He nodded, and by the look on his face I had a sudden regret. I hadn't told him I was picking him, he couldn't read my mind.

"You Edward. I want you" I told him. He lifted his head, his eyes falling on mine, he didn't need to say anything, I saw the raw emotion in his eyes as he looked at me. He reached for me, his hands going to my jaw line and pulling my head towards him, his lips were on mine, at first soft and gentle and so completely full of love I felt like crying with emotion. The kiss became heated as our tongues danced in each other's mouths. He dropped his hands to my waist and pulled me off the couch and into his arms. We continued to kiss as I wrapped my legs around his waist; I squeezed my thighs together in an effort to get closer to him. He kissed me with so much enthusiasm I groaned in response. He had never allowed us to go this far. His hands were on the small of my back under my shirt as we kissed; my hands were in his hair, messing up his uncombed hair. Just when I thought he had let go of his old fashioned ways, he pulled away from our kiss and gasped for air he didn't need, I on the other hand was gasping for air I very much needed. I was still wrapped around his waist; he was standing, still as a statue, his forehead against mine and his hands on my waist. He pulled me away, easily untangling my legs from him and placed me on my feet. I sighed in response; I was a fool to think maybe picking him would make him give into our desires.

"I want to Bella, I really really do" he groaned leaning back into me. His forehead on mine and his arms around my waist.

"Then why did you stop?" I asked him, still catching my breath.

"Because I don't want to hurt you. We will wed and I will change you and then I'll make love to you I promise" he told me.

"Oh we will will we? Who said anything about getting married?" I laughed.

"Did we not have that conversation or was it just me in my head?" he said, almost looking embarrassed.

"You agreed to change me" I made sure to remind him.

"But only once you are my wife" he said.

"That's your condition?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"Yes." He told me with a smirk.

"I am yours. You know that now" I told him, stroking his cheek again.

"Prove it to me and marry me, I will change you and we can travel the world, I will show you London and Paris and Rome. I will take you to places you've never even dreamt of. As my wife" he told me.

"You don't think this is a bit too fast? I'm only 18" I told him.

"I thought you wanted to be changed" he said with a frown.

"I do, but I want to experience as many human things as I can before then" I told him.

"Like what?" he frowned, he clearly knew what I was implying.

"I want you. How do I know I'll want you the same way as I do now when I'm a newborn vampire?" I told him but before he could reply I heard Charlie's car pull up. I frowned as I looked at the clock on the wall. He was supposed to be out all day fishing with Harry. He had said so in his note.

"Go. Come back tomorrow night." I told Edward, pushing him away from me; I quickly straightened out my clothes and pulled my hair into a pony tail. Edward didn't say anything, one second he was there standing in front of me, the next he was gone. Probably out the window.

"Bella?" I heard Charlie call.

"In here dad" I said as I sat down on the couch. He entered the room.

"Oh thank god" he sighed.

"What's wrong?" I frowned.

"There was a report on the radio about an 18 year old girl fitting your description being found dead in her home. I panicked, I had to check you were ok." he said.

"Dad, we have a phone you know" I smiled at him.

"I know but I didn't know if you were at Jake's, I was going to head there next. If I rang and you didn't answer I'd be even more worried. Besides, I didn't have access to a phone to call"

"Im fine dad. What did the report say?" I asked with a sweet smile.

"Only that she was 18, with brown hair, found in her home with severe neck wounds, it sounds like an animal got to her" he said, his voice sad.

Neck wounds?

Could it possibly be Victoria? Was she finally here to kill me?

* * *

**I originally had Bella's decision stretching out longer than this but I just couldn't make it last longer, I'll always be team Edward. There is still a plot line to this story though, it involves Edward and Bella exploring the world and possibly coming back with Renesmee who doesn't meet Jacob until she's physically 18 :) Something I've always wanted to explore instead of Jacob knowing her from birth. In the short term though, Jacob was only angry and didn't mean everything he said to Bella, he'll be back and definitely won't give up on Bella so easily.**


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